


Leaving the Table

by ShayneyL



Series: Binary Suns [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: AU, Bittersweet Ending, Episode: s07e03 Drive, Episode: s07e08 Nightingale, Episode: s07e12 Lineage, Harry Kim/Irina (background), Infidelity, Leonard Cohen x Star Trek, Love Triangle, M/M, Paris/Torres (background)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24118837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShayneyL/pseuds/ShayneyL
Summary: Now that Tom Paris is married, he has to quit sneaking into Harry Kim's bed at night...doesn't he?
Relationships: Harry Kim/Tom Paris
Series: Binary Suns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740262
Comments: 27
Kudos: 19
Collections: Caught The Darkness (Star Trek Fandom Event - May 2020)





	1. If I ever loved you

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Caught the Darkness, the 2020 Leonard Cohen Star Trek event.

  


_I'm leaving the table_  
_I'm out of the game_  
_I don't know the people_  
_In your picture frame_  


Things were going well with Irina, Harry thought. She apparently wasn't one for long term ties, so was free to spend some time on _Voyager_ after the race. He hadn't asked her yet, but he thought she would say yes. At least for awhile.

The door signal sounded. "Come," Harry said. Tom came in, rather hesitantly. He usually barged right in, if he even bothered to signal.

"Is the coast clear?" Tom asked, looking around.

"If you're asking if Irina's here, no, she's not." _Not yet_. But hopefully that would change soon. He should tell Tom it was over. Tom might be able to juggle two lovers, but Harry was pretty sure he couldn't. He opened his mouth to tell Tom that, but Tom interrupted him.

"Good, because I'm so horny I can't sleep."

Harry was going to suggest that he take that up with B'Elanna, but Tom cut him off.

"Please, Harry, you have to fuck me." He threw his arms around Harry, kissing him deeply, hands roaming. Then he pulled away, scattering clothes behind him as he headed toward the bed. "Come _on_."

Harry hesitated…for about two seconds. "Okay." He followed.

He thought he knew what was going on. He'd noticed this about Tom before: exhilirating flying really turned him on.

"Hurry up," Tom said, already positioned on the bed. "I'm so horny the crack of dawn isn't safe."

Before long Harry was sliding into Tom's hot tightness. Such a strong and beautiful body. He was always surprised at how sturdy and muscular Tom was underneath his uniform. He gazed appreciatively at the solid muscles that bulged in Tom's arms as he clutched at the bedding.

"Don't just sit there admiring the view," Tom said.

Harry began thrusting. Tom moaned, biting at the pillow. Harry was pretty keyed up himself, especially after spending all day with beautiful Irina, and tried to go slow, make it last.

Tom was having none of it. He pushed back, trying to encourage Harry to go faster. Harry gave in, thrusting fast and hard, at the angle he knew would make Tom come soon. Grasping Tom's pulsating cock, he began stroking.

Tom nearly screamed, and began convulsing around Harry. Pleasure exploded through Harry like a supernova as he followed Tom over the edge.

Tom kissed him as he collapsed on the bed beside him. "Thanks, Har. I really needed that."

"I could tell," Harry said. He thought about Irina, and how he wanted to tell Tom they should end this, but by the time he found the words, Tom was asleep.

* * *

Harry was the last one to get back to _Voyager_. He had to turn Irina over to the Antarian authorities, explain what she'd done, and record a statement.

Tom was waiting for him when he got back. Harry leaped off the transporter platform and grabbed Tom's shoulder. He was looking forward to the post-race festivities. "Great job," he said, grinning. "I knew I could count on you to recognize Morse code."

Tom looked unexpectedly grim. Was he still upset about Irina? He could be weirdly possessive sometimes, rather ironically, in Harry's opinion.

"I have to tell you something."

It wasn't something good, by the look on Tom's face.

"Can it wait? I'm due in the captain's ready room to be debriefed."

"This will only take a minute. It's important."

They went to a small observation room that was on the way to bridge. Harry leaned against one of the large windows. "What is it, Tom?"

"Harry…B'Elanna and I are getting married."

Harry was glad he was leaning against the window, or he might have collapsed.

"I have to marry her. She's going to dump me otherwise." When Harry didn't say anything, Tom continued. "We're getting married in two hours. It will be a small wedding. Just you and Chakotay as witnesses, with the captain presiding."

" _Me_?"

"You'll be my best man."

Harry shook his head in disbelief, unable to speak.

"Harry, you have to. You're my best friend. If you aren't there…"

If he wasn't there, everyone would wonder why. He sagged against the window, hardly able to believe this was happening.

"Harry?" Tom sounded anxious.

He took a deep breath. He could do this. He had to. "Congratulations," he said, trying to smile. "Should I wear my dress uniform?"


	2. Cutting the Cord

  


_There's nobody missing_  
_There is no reward_  
_Little by little_  
_We're cutting the cord_  
_We're spending the treasure, oh no, no_  
_That love cannot afford_  
_I know you can feel it_  
_The sweetness restored_  


He did all right, the first two days of Tom and B'Elanna's honeymoon. It was easy to pick up extra shifts, with most of the crew on shore leave, enjoying the hospitality of the Antareans. He volunteered for the night shift, and to cover for B'Elanna in Engineering, and worked himself to exhaustion.

That ended on the third day. The captain wouldn't let him take another night shift, telling him to get some rest. So here he was in his quarters, brooding and bitterly jealous.

He didn't have any rations left. He'd spent them all on Tom and B'Elanna. Like a best friend should. He decorated the _Delta Flyer_ , 20th century-style, and replicated champagne and a gourmet picnic with all of Tom's and B'Elanna's favorites. He also transferred all his remaining rations to Tom's account, as a wedding present. For old time's sake, he told Tom. B'Elanna got the most treasured gift of all: Tom.

He did have some holodeck time. He'd have given that to them, too, if they wanted a holodeck honeymoon, but they had opted for the _Delta Flyer_ instead. So he traded a couple of hours of holodeck time for a jug of booze from the Maquis still. He didn't touch it the first two days, but the third night, he opened it up, and drank more of it than was good for him.

He was resentful and miserable, but also a little relieved. Tom was married now. That meant it was finally over. Not like he'd hoped, but it was over. He knocked back another drink, and went to bed.

* * *

He thought he was dreaming. Someone was sliding into his bed, the way Tom did…used to. But that couldn't be. Tom was on his honeymoon.

"I'd tell you to never drink alone, but I happen to know from personal experience you can become a raving alcoholic even if you only drink in crowded bars."

It _was_ Tom. Harry rolled over and looked him, bemused. He was suddenly reminded of the first time Tom had broken into his room in the middle of the night, so many years ago. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon?"

"Apparently, three days is too long for a honeymoon," Tom said. "At least for us. Two and a half days would have been perfect."

"You got in another fight," Harry said. He felt off-balance and slightly queasy. He remembered why he always hated drinking at night.

A hypo hissed against the side of his neck. Harry immediately felt better.

"You have to watch out for that Maquis booze," Tom said, putting the hypo on the bedside table. "There's a hell of a hangover."

Harry knew he should be grateful, but found himself saying, "Let me be drunk, Tom. You're married now. You're not supposed to be here."

"I don't have anywhere else to go. B'Elanna kicked me out."

"You could go back to your old quarters until she cools off." Harry knew better than to think it was over because of one fight. They fought all the time. Probably just for the fun of kissing and making up.

"I could, but I'd rather be here. Harry, I missed you." Tom's arms wrapped around him.

Despite himself, Harry found himself relaxing into the embrace. Tom's breath tickled the side of his neck, and a hand slipped down to cup Harry's cock. "You're insatiable," Harry muttered.

"Actually, I'm honeymooned out,"Tom said, nuzzling Harry's ear. "But it's been awhile for you. Want me to suck you off?"

Harry muttered a curse as arousal jolted through him and he hardened in Tom's grip.

"Thought so," Tom said. He moved down and pulled Harry's cock through the fly of his shorts. "You're beautiful, even when you're drunk and grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy…" Harry broke off as Tom swallowed his cock, surrounding it with deliciously irresistible heat and suction. It was more than he could take. He writhed, gripping the sheets, shaking with the building tension. In an embarrasingly short time, he was shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure exploded through him.

When he opened his eyes, Tom was grinning smugly at him. He wiped his mouth, tucked Harry back into his shorts, and settled down beside him, once again wrapping his well-muscled arms around him.

"I love you," Tom whispered, kissing Harry's cheek.

"But not enough to marry me," Harry said, and immediately wished he could take it back.

"You don't want me to marry you," Tom said. He sounded only sad, not angry or defensive.

"Who says?"

"Fine," Tom said. "I'll divorce B'Elanna tomorrow. Will you marry me?"

Harry froze. The idea was more terrifying than tempting. He felt like an abyss had opened up beneath him, and he was about to tumble into it. A million objections tumbled through his head. He was unable to voice any of them.

"I thought so," Tom said. "Go to sleep, Harry."

"What does that mean?" Harry finally managed.

"Just forget it. I had a hell of a fight with B'Elanna, I don't want to fight with you, too."

"Nobody's sleeping until you explain yourself."

Tom sighed. "Harry…do you think I didn't notice that you had no interest in me until I started pursuing B'Elanna?"

"That's not true," Harry protested. "I was always interested. It just takes me a long time to make up my mind."

"You acted pretty quickly with Tal."

"That was different!"

"Because she was a holiday romance, and it could never be serious between you. Just like Irina."

"No!"

"Then there's Lyndsay. You only realized you loved her after she was dead. I guess I'm lucky it didn't come to that for me. Oh, and Megan and Jenny Delaney. One of them likes you, the other doesn't. Which one did you pursue?"

"Just because they're twins doesn't mean they're interchangeable."

"And Seven, who wouldn't date you if you were the last person in the galaxy. Not to mention various holograms, who can just be turned off if they start becoming too much of a commitment."

"What are you saying, Tom?"

"You know what I'm saying. If I weren't with B'Elanna, you'd have changed your door code years ago." Tom sat up. "I'll be on the couch." He grabbed one of Harry's blankets and went out into the living area.

Harry stared after him, torn between yelling at him to get out and telling him not to leave. He did neither.

After a few minutes, Tom came back. He climbed into bed again. "I'm sorry."

Did Tom really think…? Harry opened his mouth to refute what Tom had said earlier. Tom pressed his fingers against Harry's lips. "Not now, Har. We'll talk about it later."

But they didn't.


	3. Out of the Game

  


_I don't need a reason_  
_For what I became_  
_I've got these excuses_  
_They're tired and they're lame_  
_I don't need a pardon, no no, no no, no_  
_There's no one left to blame_  
_I'm leaving the table_  
_I'm out of the game_  


  


_Pregnant_. B'Elanna was pregnant. Tom was going to be a father. The news was all over the ship in a flash.

"Nothing will change," Tom promised that night, lying in Harry's bed, his arms around Harry.

Tom was fooling himself, Harry thought. They couldn't keep sneaking around this way. Not now. Though...he'd thought that when Tom and B'Elanna got married and moved in together. Tom often didn't stay the whole night, but somehow, he still managed to slip into Harry's bed every few days. 

Harry steeled himself. "Tom. I think we should go back to being just friends."

"Again?" Tom rolled his eyes. "For what, the fifth or sixth time?"

Maybe seventh. Harry had lost track. They'd decide to be just friends, but somehow couldn't stop having sex.

"For real this time," he insisted.

"Okay." Tom pulled him close. "One last time?"

"One last time," Harry agreed.

* * *

He and Tom were having sex "one last time" several times a week. Tom was right, Harry realized. Nothing would change. If they were back home, he could ask for a transfer, but that wasn't an option here. He didn't know what to do…until a solution presented itself, when they came across a large space station that served as a sort of local trading post. It was run by the Kraylor…and they remembered Harry.

The Kraylor refused to deal with Captain Janeway, instead insisting on speaking with "Captain Kim," the hero who had saved their cloaking technology and turned the tide of battle against the Annari. Janeway seemed amused, and let Harry handle the negotiations for supplies and safe passage. Under discreet supervision, of course.

And when they made it clear that they would welcome Harry if he chose to leave _Voyager_ , and make him captain of his own ship…he found himself tempted.

Captain Janeway did not approve. "You want to leave _Voyager_? After all these years?"

"Yes, Captain." 

Did he really want to leave _Voyager_? No, but he had to.

She shook her head. "Harry, I can't let you do this." She got up from behind her desk, and put her hand on Harry's shoulder, guiding him toward the couch. "I understand that you're frustrated by the lack of opportunity here on _Voyager_ , but it can't be helped."

"My obligation is long over," Harry pointed out. Back in the Alpha Quadrant, he would be free to leave Starfleet, having served more than his four-year commitment.

"I'm sorry, but we're not in the Alpha Quadrant, and I can't just let you go. I told Seven I would not allow to her leave _Voyager_ by herself, and that applies to you, too."

"You were willing to let the Doctor go," Harry said. The Doctor had changed his mind and stayed, but the captain had been willing to let stay him with the Qomar. And the Doctor was far more essential than Harry was.

"The Prime Directive applies here," Janeway said. There was an edge to her voice.

"It applied to the Qomar, too. A whole world that knew nothing of music. Now they do. Who knows where that will lead?"

"This is a rather more concrete situation. They are at war. We cannot interfere."

"We already have!"

"Yes. And we can't make it worse. Mr. Kim, the answer is no."

Her eyes were steel, and so was the set of her jaw. He swallowed his protests. "I understand, Captain." He didn't, but it was clear there was no point in arguing any further.

* * *

He decided to go anyway. The Kraylor offered him a small version of their cloaking technology, that would hide his life signs. He wanted to say goodbye to Tom, but decided not to. He didn't think Tom would tell the Captain, but he didn't want to put Tom in the position of having to lie for him. And, if he was honest, he was afraid Tom would talk him out of it. So he left Tom a note instead, then beamed down to the space station, discarded his com badge, and walked away.

It didn't last long. He ordered his new ship to engage the cloak and head out at maximum warp, but only a few days later, _Voyager_ hailed them. "Don't answer," Harry told his new crew. He didn't think Janeway would open fire. If she did, he would have to decloak and turn himself in.

It didn't come to that.

Harry felt the transport begin, and stood up, the reflex of years. His less-experienced Kraylor crewmates did not. When they rematerialized in _Voyager_ 's transporter room, they fell hard on their butts.

Tuvok and a security team were waiting for them, phasers drawn. "Did you have to involve them?" Harry asked, gesturing angrily at the bruised and confused Kraylor on the floor around him.

"It was necessary," Tuvok said. "Your device made it impossible to detect which of the crew was you. The captain ordered all lifeforms transported. The Kraylor will be returned to their vessel." He paused. "Unless they require medical treatment?"

They did not. Harry apologized, said his goodbyes, and they went back to their ship. He was escorted by Tuvok to the captain's ready room.

He'd never seen her so cold and angry. Not even when he'd been caught with Tal.

"Mr. Kim, words can't express how disappointed I am. You disobeyed a direct order."

Harry could not deny it.

"Explain yourself. I cannot believe you put your own personal ambition over the Prime Directive and your duty to this ship and crew."

Harry couldn't explain. He couldn't even apologize, because he wasn't sorry. His only regret was that it hadn't worked.

"You will be confined to the brig until further notice." She waited to see if Harry had anything say. He didn't. "Take Mr. Kim to the brig."

Harry went.

* * *

He lay on the bench in his cell, staring at the wall. Part of him was glad to be back, even in the brig. Nothing was quite right on the Kraylor ship. The gravity was a tad too strong, the air smelled odd, the light was the wrong color. He supposed he would have gotten used to it eventually. 

He hadn't actually expected to evade _Voyager_ if they really wanted to come after him. The Kraylor cloaking technology was still relatively primitive; off the top of his head, he could think of a half a dozen ways of tracking a cloaked ship. What he'd really been hoping was that the captain would take pity on him and let him go. But she hadn't.

"You have a visitor, Kim."

Harry turned over at Ayala's voice. He heard the sound of the forcefield dropping, then coming on again. Blinking, he sat up to find Tom standing in front of him, holding a tray.

_Tom_. The sight of him was like a knife in the heart. He wasn't sure they'd ever see each other again. He looked down, to hide the tears welling his eyes. 

"Harry," Tom said. He put the tray down beside Harry. "Were you really going to leave, without even saying goodbye?"

"I left you a note. On my bed." It wasn't like he could leave it on Tom's bed, since it was B'Elanna's bed, too.

The reply was sarcastic. "Well, that makes me feel better." 

"I was afraid I'd never be able to bring myself to leave if I had to say goodbye in person."

Tom sat next him. "How are you?"

Harry shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Except that I'll be in the brig for the next 30 years."

"She'll let you out soon," Tom said. "I only got thirty days, she can't give you more than that."

Tom had also gotten a demotion. Harry wondered if he'd be demoted to crewman, like the _Equinox_ crew. That would put an end to Tom's nocturnal visits. Crewmen didn't have private quarters.

As if reading his mind, Tom said, "You know what you need? A good meal and a blow job."

"Tom!" Harry protested. The very suggestion made him hard, but there was no way they were doing anything in the brig.

"Don't worry." Tom dropped to his knees in front of Harry, looking into his eyes. He ran a hand through Harry's hair. "We'll have our privacy. I bribed Ayala." He frowned slightly. "Blow job first, I think. You never have an appetite when you're horny."

Harry silently cursed his weakness. He could never resist Tom, no matter how hard he tried. He looked around nervously as Tom's hands began tugging at his clothing. Sure enough, the force field was dark. Ayala wasn't watching. He hoped the security cameras were turned off, too… Then Tom's lips and tongue got to work, and Harry found it hard to think about anything else. He whimpered with pleasure, and pressed his hands over his mouth so Ayala wouldn't hear.

Tom stopped at the sudden silence, looking up. He grinned. "Enjoy it, Harry. Might be awhile before I have enough rations to bribe him again." Then he bent his head again, teasing, licking, stroking, finally sending Harry hurtling over the edge.

When the cell solidified around him again, Tom was straightening Harry's clothes. "You bit yourself," he said, examining Harry's fingers.

It wouldn't matter if Harry was demoted to crewman and had to share a room. Tom would find a way. If the brig wouldn't stop him, a roommate or three sure wouldn't.

"Do we have time for me to return the favor?" 

Tom shook his head. "I'd rather see you eat your dinner. You can eat me next time." He lifted the cover off the tray.

It was all Harry's favorites. The scent of the fetran sauce made his stomach growl. He was starved. Kraylor food was nutritious, but not very palatable, at least by human standards. 

He looked at the lavish meal in disbelief. He'd been expecting something from the mess hall. He hated to think of the rations Tom must have spent on this visit. "Tom…you're married now. You have a child on the way. You should be saving your rations for your family."

"The captain doubled B'Elanna's rations now that she's pregnant. She'll be all right. Go on, eat."

"Tom…we can't keep doing this. We just can't."

Tom, still kneeling in front of Harry, put a hand against his cheek. "I can't stay away, any more than the Earth could stop orbiting the sun."

Tom's gaze held his, dead serious in a way he rarely was. _Go away_ , Harry tried to say. _Go back to your family. Be faithful to your wife_. But he couldn't. He found himself embracing Tom instead, and being embraced in return.

Like Tom, he couldn't stay away. They were like binary suns, locked in each other's orbit. And would remain so, until they ripped each other apart.

**Author's Note:**

> "Nightingale" was originally intended to write Harry Kim out of the show. He was going to leave in order to command his own ship. It was the last season, and they weren't planning to use the characters again, so why not? Kill them, marry them off, have them leave _Voyager_ forever. Berman wasn't too keen on the idea, though; he wouldn't allow them to write Harry out. 
> 
> Interesting as the idea was, I just couldn't see Harry leaving _Voyager_ because of personal ambition. So I gave him another reason. :-)
> 
> The story is also a kind of musing on the rules of '90s television, where two guys can only be close if one or both of them has a girlfriend or wife. Bashir and O'Brien can only spend all their time together because of Keiko. It's a reassurance: he's married, they can't be gay. And Tom's relationship with B'Elanna and Harry's various girlfriends gave them permission to eat ice cream out of the same dish without losing their "man cards."


End file.
